My Life, Your Inspiration.

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

My Mom Is Worried

My parents knew that they could never and till this day, still can't pressure me into doing ANYTHING that I don't want to do! Growing up they called it "Being Rebellious" but, that's just who I was. Or should I say who I am. Now don't get me wrong, I follow the rules. I do my job even when I don't want to. I do what I NEED TO even when I don't want to. But, things like "Wear this, attend this event, date this gentleman, blah blah blah " Carina ain't the one. 

If you've read my previous blogs, by now you know that I've had a history and, all types of interesting stories with men. Majority of them "Before Jesus" and some at the beginning of my journey with Jesus. As I grew, matured and, really got a grasp of who I was, whose I was, how DOPE I was and, what I brought to the table........who I wanted, what I wanted, what I tolerated and,who I tolerated all shifted. 

Now my mom on the other hand feels some type of way about all of this. Being a typical mom(especially and African mom) she wonders why, i'm not dating. A few times she's asked me "Are you afraid of being heart broken again?" She'll ask my sisters if I'm secretly dating someone and, I'm just afraid to tell her. She's gone to great extents of playing match-maker (which have ALL failed lol) so now she thinks I'm too picky and too boujee. She literally gets upset and I mean BIG MAD when I reject any of her potential candidates or, when she later finds out that we are no longer talking! She is SOOO convinced that I'm the problem lol!

Now does mom know about everything that I've been through and done? No and she probably never will (unless somebody reads my blogs and decides to give her a call lol). Do I want to be married? Absolutely! Do I want to honor my mom? Of course! Do I want want her to stop worrying about this situation? Most Definitely! Will I let society, my mom or ANYONE pressure me into doing anything I DO NOT want to do? You Can Miss Me With All That!

Call me picky, boujee, high standards or whatever but, once you've been someone's "Something to do when there's nothing to do", it changes a lot of things. When you've laid up with men just for the sake of feeling accepted and wanted, it changes a lot. Once you've read your bible over and over again just to have a clear understanding of who you are, what's good for you, why you're here on changes a lot. Once you've cried out to GOD on how to heal, forgive, move on, accept things for what they are, and stop listening to the "You were not good enough" lies in your changes a lot. When you've dealt with a lot, it changes a lot. And when YOU'VE changed a lot, you no longer accept a lot!

I constantly remind my mom that she has nothing to worry about. As a mother I understand her worries as to why I'm so content in my singleness but, as Carina Mavula I believe that "When the time is right, I The Lord will make it happen" - Isaiah 60:22 

My mom isn't pressuring me to settle down, she just wonders if it's in the back of my mind. 

I like to reassure her that IT IS but....through my lifestyle I show her that I won't wait for him to LIVE! 

And you shouldn't either!

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