My Life, Your Inspiration.

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Not In Public

Prior to these incidents I had a friend who always complained about her boyfriends actions and words in public compared to his actions and words in private.  I always thought she was just being dramatic. I never understood why someone would treat you differently when people were around vs. when people weren't around. I didn’t understand that until it happened to me.

I think he liked my personality more than anything. This was a routine. We talked every morning, during his lunch break he called, during my lunch break I called, as we drove home from work we talked, when we got home we did our thing and, before bed......we said our goodbyes. I had the key to his place so when he wasn’t home, I would show up and cook. I would clean and, wait for him to get home. When I wasn’t around he would tell me “Come over I miss you.” When we were together  all we did was laugh! We would dance in front of the TV. We were soooo comfortable around each other.  I had been with guys in the past who never made me comfortable enough to just BE ME! He did! I could laugh loud like I usually do! I could dance with the little rhythm that I have. I could share my dry humor jokes. I could give and receive the affection that I desired. He would thank me for letting him be THE REAL HIM at all times. Things were always good.....behind closed doors.

So this is where it got interesting. One Saturday I was at his house chillin when a few of his homeboys popped up. They knew WHO I was, I’m just not sure if they knew WHAT I was too him. When they walked in, he went from my couch to the other couch. I thought nothing of it. I went from “Babe” to “Carina”. Every time one of his friends asked me a question about us, he would change the subject before I could even answer. I thought nothing of it. When his friends left, I left as well .

The next day we were scheduled to attend a mutual friends BBQ. I arrived first and a few minutes later he popped up. I was siting at a bench with my sisters and friends when he came to greet us. He gave everyone a regular hug but, gave me a church hug. He laughed with everyone else but, kept his responses to me very brief. At some point I went to stand next to him and........he walked away. This is where I started getting upset but, it only got worse.

Though I was always comfortable with him, I didn’t (and still don’t) like confrontation so I tried avoid conversations that may lead to it. That night when we spoke on the phone I wanted to ask him why he treated me like that but, he found away to distract me and before I knew it we said goodnight and my questions were never answered.

About two weeks later we attended another event and I honestly thought things were going to be better. We laughed, drank and, somehow even ended up wearing familiar outfits. All was good until it was time for him to leave. His friend asked me to make him a to-go late so the woman in me thought “Hey let me make him a plate as well” so I did. As I brought the plate to him, I could see the rage  rising in his eyes. I said “This ones for you!” his response is how I knew! I knew that he was telling people something completely different from what he was telling me. He said “Why would you make me a plate? Did I ask you for one? Stop acting like you're my girl.” and refused to take my plate.

That night I finally talked to him about how he treats me in public and his response was “I don’t like people in my business so that’s why I have to treat you that way so no one thinks we’re together!” I said okay and, never brought it up again. 

Word on the street later on was “She wants me, I don’t want her. We’re just friends, I don’t know what she thinks we are!”

Here’s What I Learned From This Experience:

.If you can’t talk to me in public, don’t talk to me private.
. What you allow is what will continue.
. Some people can’t talk to you public because the people who they bashed you too.... are watching.
.If you let them disrespect you once, they’ll be okay with disrespecting you twice.
.There's a fine line between being private and being ashamed.
. Anyone who doesn’t find joy in showing you off, won’t!
. Be with someone, be friends with people who are PROUD TO HAVE YOU!


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