My Life, Your Inspiration.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

I M F I G H T I N G



The hardest part about tasting sin, is stopping sin. When the bible says that sex is for marriage, it knows why! Everything that GOD creates is beautiful and has it’s purpose. I just wish I would have listened to my mother when she said  "Carina wait until marriage!"

Back in 2010 I attended a church retreat that had a discussion on abstinence. At the end of the discussion they handed everyone a piece of prayer and asked us to sign it. The paper had a promise that we would wait until marriage to share our bodies ! Though I hadn't given my life to Christ yet, I wanted to do this and, follow through on what the paper said. Unfortunately I only kept up with it until 2012.

In 2012 I lost my virginity to a man I had just met 24 hours prior to because my then Best Friend told me "You can’t be the only one in the crew going to prom as a virgin"! After I laid with him, he posted a tweet on Twitter that said "Man last night I got raped by this B***h bro! I DID NOT want to F**k this hoe bro"! I remember reading that tweet and falling to my knees. When I got up off the floor I convinced myself that he wrote that tweet because it was my first time and, I just needed practice to make sure no one ever said that about me again. That next day PornHub became my addiction! I wanted to learn everything I could and within the next few months I was given another opportunity to prove myself. Before I knew it, laying with randoms became an addiction and, fighting to never have a man say that about me again was my  mission. I didn't know how to stop until I had to!

As most of you know, in 2012 I gave my life to Christ as well. But choosing to walk with Christ does not mean that your flesh stops having desires and those desires automatically go away. After I gave my life to Christ I felt as if I was cursed. I couldn't go longer than eight months without laying with a random. This cycle went on until September of 2015 when I laid with the man I was madly in love with. My heart was badly broken after laying with him and at that moment not only did I never want to have sex again, I stopped believing in love. (But that’s another story for another post.)

In September it'll be four years of celibacy. Four years of fighting. Four years of refusing to meet with men  after 9:00pm. Four years of being careful of what I listen to and watch because I'm easily triggered. Four years of begging God to give me strength. Four years of praying when it burns. Four years of telling myself "It's not worth it! It wont be worth it! The guilt will outweigh the pleasure!"

So to someone who is dealing with this same thing, you aren't alone! So many people including Christians are going through the same thing but....KEEP FIGHTING! Do not give in! It’s not worth it! Believe me when I say the guilt will outweigh the pleasure. It’s a temporary pleasure that may take longer than you think to get up from. FLEE, RUN, ESCAPE, do whatever it takes to avoid it. You know what triggers you and, you have to avoid those doors. WE ARE HUMANS! The desire will come but, be stronger than it! You’re a slave to no one and nothing! The bible says "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is willing but, the flesh is weak"! -Matthew 26:41

I promise you aren't alone! Lets fight together!
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